Monday 30 August 2010

British Airways Strikes Again


After causing chaos through strike caused flight cancellations which, together with the volcanic dust cloud almost managed to close British Airways, the flight crew are now doing their bit to try and stop people choosing the "worlds favourite airline".

On the recent flight from London Heathrow to Hong Kong the passengers had just settled down, ready for sleep or films when the infamous announcement came.

"This is an emergency announcement, please get ready to make an emergency landing on water".
After much screaming, tears and confusion the crew passed through the cabin explaining that it was all a mistake.
Apparently the buttons are very close together on the control panel and someone with slightly chubby fingers could easily push the wrong button....simple mistake to make I guess.

Prompted by this story we decided to hold a small research into what people would do if they were over an ocean and the fateful message came across, this is the ranking.

=1. Pray. (22%)
=1. Smoke/borrow a cigarette and light up. (22%)
=3. Try to call someone on the phone. (18%)
=3. Grab a drink or 4 from the drinks trolley. (18%)
4. Invite the airhostess/host for *** / a quick party... (14%)
5. Try to escape from the plane (6%)

There was an interesting difference in options chosen by the male/female segmentation which we won't go into now.
However it could be thought that if you have fire drills, why not practice for crash landings too. It will certainly be a memorable flight.

Tuesday 18 May 2010

England to win the world cup.....


Great news.
According to JP Morgan's quantitive analysis team, after a complex mathematical multi-variate modelling they have predicted that England will beat Spain in the 2010 final.
The model demonstrates that although Brasil followed by Spain are the strongest teams, there are factors including fixture schedules that count negatively therefore giving England the edge in the final.
As we know, financial analysts are never wrong, so good luck to England.

Monday 22 March 2010

A rather extreme solution


After the worldwide turmoil in the finance markets the North Koreans seemed to have found a conclusive way of dealing with one of the contributors.
The 77 year old finance minister Pak Nam-gi was allegedly put to death by firing squad for his part in screwing up the economy.
Obviously while one could not condone this level of violence, perhaps some of our public representatives around the world, more interested in fiddling their expenses to buy free flights for the family or duck houses etc. might have a touch more focus on their priorities.
Who knows if there was some sort of punishment for failure there performance might be a littl improved.

Friday 15 January 2010

Eat your heart out Susan Boyle

The Russians never like to be outdone so here they are with their local talent show. The funniest thing is the predictability of the whole thing.